I love you guys!
The Only Way Out.
This message is to ALL of my friends and fans. I wasn't sure how exactly to start this...but I trusted that God would help me write this and maybe through me I could speak His word and make His will be done.....
For a long time I have been very lost. So lost in myself and in the world that I didn't even REALIZE that I was lost. I have always thought of myself as a pretty good person. I love helping people, I love befriending people, I love animal rescue and rehab. I care a GREAT deal for my friends and family and ALWAYS do whatever I can to care for them and make sure that they are ok. For a long time I THOUGHT that I was doing the right thing.....and doing my personal best......well...I was wrong...dead wrong.
Being in the world of adult modeling I see A LOT of pain....A LOT of heart break. SO many lost girls get into this business just for some extra money....to help pay for school....to help support themselves or even their children as single moms. "It's just temporary". They are only going to do this for a while...just a few shoots. I too started out to make some extra money to help me finish school. Almost ALL of the time It doesn't end where you think it will.....the path goes on......the hole gets deeper....and the road gets darker. MOST of the time the girls don't even realize it. One day you see this bright beautiful girl shooting tame nudes...the next they are signing on the dotted line of a hard-core porn company. Lost. Broken. Alone.
I being on the other side of these pictures you don't see the pain these girls are in. The struggle....the drugs that they take so they can get themselves through these sets. Sometimes it's just a show....you pretend to be someone else..become someone you never thought you could be...and the hole gets deeper.
I never thought of myself as one of these girls. What I have been doing "wasn't porn". I connect to well and so close with so many of my fans. I didn't realize what I was doing or why.
The past few years have been very difficult for me. That is no secret to anyone that knows anything about me. I have been working my tail off to support myself, my farm, my rescues, my family, and the list goes on. No matter how hard I worked.....no matter how many people or creatures I helped I STILL had that void inside of my heart and my soul. Connecting with person after person through my site as REAL FRIENDS. I understood the loneliness of the people that I would talk to...because I myself was so lonely. The more I shot...the deeper my darkness got.....the more I understood the pain of others. My friends and my fan. There is ONE common thread to so many of us online here.....the need to be loved, accepted, cared for, the need to have SOMEONE understand you and connect with you. At the end of so many of these emails was that loneliness. SO many men have asked me what they were doing wrong, how to find a special girl like me for THEM. How to fill that "void" in their hearts...in their souls. For a long time I thought I was helping to fill that void in the lives of so many, and in a way I was. But it was all a lie. I could never fill that void for anyone...only be a sinful band aid for it. Only cause the loneliness to deepen....only cause my own soul to ache more.
I have been looking so long and so hard for someone to love me. Love ME for ME. Fill that hole in my soul. Complete me. All this time the only thing standing in my way was me. I have been blind and wrong. On so many levels for so long.
I have decided to leave the world of adult and porn behind me....and follow the lord. I have accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior and am devoting my life to HIS WILL. I have found the one thing that can, will and DOES fill that void...and that's GOD.
I have been trapped in sin and destruction for so long. Disappointment after disappointment......painful venture after painful venture. I have been my own worst enemy. Holding the key all along that could set me free from the darkness that had slowly enveloped me....that was eating away piece by piece my soul. Burning the light out of my eyes so slowly that I didn't even see it....didn't know it.....
It is will a new clarity and a new purpose that I will continue my life. I WANT TO HELP THESE GIRLS! These lost souls.....these girls that are ABUSING THEMSELVES. Selling themselves for NOTHING. I want to help them STOP THIS PAIN. I want to show them the light.....and the love of Jesus. ONLY HE CAN FILL THIS VOID IN THEIR LIFE! HE IS THE WAY....THE ONLY WAY.
I also want to help my fans...my friends......This void in your life and heart. You seek pornography to fill it....it's only a bandage. Sin isn't ugly....it's beautiful. It can't fill the voids in your life. ONLY GOD CAN FILL THEM!
I love my fans, and I love YOU. I want YOU to feel this peace. I want YOU to get out of the darkness that is all around you. You can not live with one foot in Christ and one in the world. Our time here is so short....today could be your last day here. And what will you have lived for? Died for? There is only one way to heaven and eternal life....and that is through Jesus.
I will not and can not desert my friends and fans. The models.....the world. I can't and I won't. I am hoping that the Lord will work through me and guide me to do HIS will and help those that I can. Those that will stop and listen....those that will allow the Holy Spirit to fill them and speak to them as it has me.
I know that there are going to be a lot of people that will think this is a big joke....laugh.....wonder if I have lost my mind....well....I have news for you.... FOOLS MOCK THE TRUTH. There is ONE WAY. And only one way. I have found that way. I have FILLED THE HOLE IN MY SOUL! Filled that void that I couldn't fill with anything else. My life isn't about ME anymore.....My life is about God and HIS will. I want to spread HIS love. Tell people about Him......lead people home to Him. I don't care what you have done.....how lost you think you are....how hopeless you think things are......I HAVE GREAT NEWS FOR YOU! It's NOT TOO LATE. God LOVES YOU! He wants YOU. All you have to do is accept His gift. IT'S RIGHT THERE FOR YOU! Jesus died on the cross for OUR SINS. The price for us has already been PAID IN FULL.
I will not be attending glamourcon or shooting anything else. The next and last person that will see and enjoy my body will be a husband AS GOD INTENDED! I have asked for forgiveness for what I have done AND HAVE BEEN FORGIVEN! I will spend the rest of my life doing the Lords will and the Lords work. I AM HIS!
I want you ALL to know that I love you very much.....you ARE MY FRIENDS! I want you to know God.....I want you to get out of this darkness...this saddness and follow the word of God. There is ONLY ONE WAY OUT!
I will not abandon you......
As always my email address to ALL of my friends and fans is: firstname.lastname@example.org. I understand that this is coming as a complete surprise to my loyal members who have joined my new site to support me and my new venture. I totally understand if you would like a refund for your membership. Please email me at: email@example.com for a complete refund.
My life is beginning NOW. From this day on I will live HIS will and HIS way. My heart is HIS.
Erica, Former Playboy/Penthouse Model
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